What is the world coming to? The Steelers lost and the Browns won. UGH. Granted the Browns didn't beat us. But still they won...
Oh well, now is not the time to dwell on such negative thinking. I must take a minute and talk about the gift I was given yesterday. My boys went to Ohio this weekend to their mother's. They picked out a Christmas tree and decorated it. Took pictures and sent them home for me to see. I enjoyed getting them and I was truly happy to see them enjoying a special tradition, like trimming the tree with their mother after all of these years. The jealousy that I felt in years past at the mere mention of her name is gone. A friendship has been formed. And I can't really explain it. I honestly don't know of anyone with an ex in the picture where the two parties get along such as we. This was a long time in coming.
The fights we would have, whoa! They were terrible. And I wanted her completely OUT of their lives. I was their mother now. She blew it. She had her opportunity and she let it slip through her fingers. I didn't have all of the answers when it came to raising children, but at least I was here and willing to learn. I was so completely wrapped up in what I was doing for them, what I had given up, what sacrifices I had made to give them a home. To be with their father meant that I had to be with them. And I truly accepted that role willingly. So I felt I was to be praised and revered by them. I didn't become their mother because I had to, I wanted to. Deep in my heart I felt that to be respectful to me they must disown their mother. I never expressed that emotion to the boys, to the best of my knowledge anyway. But, I felt it nonetheless. What a bunch of self-righteous crap. I see that now. And for that, I ask the Lord for forgiveness.
I can't explain the relationship that Kerry and I have. It's strange even to me, while at the same time seems so natural now. She and Greg brought the boys home yesterday and the boys told me that they had a gift for me. I was confused and Kerry said that she didn't want to give it to me on Christmas with everyone watching. It was something meant to be between me and her. Little did she know I would blog about it, ha ha. I unwrapped it and opened the box which was covered in snowmen! Inside of that little box was another box. Little boxes are my favorite, you know. I opened the box and started to cry. It was a ring. With two birthstones. Amethyst for Austin and and an emerald for Jesse. It was a mother's ring. Their names are engraved beside their respective stone. Do you have any idea how much I sobbed?
Here was a woman, their birth mother giving me a symbol of what I am to the boys. I cry now thinking about it. It meant SO much to me. She isn't looking to replace me. She is only looking to be a part of their lives. And this symbol, this gesture, was her way of letting me know that she accepts me as their mother too. It's a strong woman who can share that role willingly. And while our friendship may be traveling down an unchartered course, it is real. For my children, our children, to know that they never have to feel guilty for loving each one of us is a blessing to me.
She and I took the boys to their youth group meeting last night where they sang Christmas carols at a senior citizen apartment complex. We discussed plans for her coming down to see the boys in the live Nativity. Jesse is playing Joseph and Austin will be one of the Wise Men. When she left last night she said 'I'll talk to you before then' and I realized I'm looking forward to that conversation. I used to dread conversations with her. What a difference now. It's amazing the power of love. And the glory goes to God.
#209 ~ Make a friend of an enemy this Christmas!